My Father Spoke in Aughts

  “I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words.”

                                                                                                                     Virginia Woolf

    At Monday's Poetry Circle, our invited poet Brenda Hillman read from her recent book  "Extra Hidden Life among the Days".  What a revelation............... Can one  really write so honestly about one's father, examining their strengths, weaknesses, values and more?  Brenda certainly does in the Elegies section of this insightful and inspiring book.

As I was listening to her read about her father, I was thinking of my own father, his

hi    strengths and weaknesses, his values, the words he used.  I have carried some of the words he spoke deep within me.....the appalling east Texas racist expressions..... and have been so disturbed by them.   And ashamed.  And confused.  How could my gentle, loving, and affectionate father have used such words?  

Clearly, for so long I have been as Virginia says, overwhelmed by what I ought to have written.  Listening to Brenda read about her father freed something in me about my father.....and I found the proper words. In two days I wrote the poem, My Father Spoke in Aughts. 

To Get the Full Sound................

“I am reading six books at once, the only way of reading; since, as you will agree, one book is only a single unaccompanied note, and to get the full sound, one needs ten others at the same time.”
                                                                                                                                                    Virginia Woolf

 In August, it seems there is less to do in the garden; and the strong sun and heat of the day drives one indoors.  This respite though, provides an opportunity to focus on other projects. 

In an effort to continue my research on Vanessa Bell,  I am reading (and for several, re-reading) six books at once---Selected Letters of Vanessa Bell, Duncan Grant a Biography, The Art of Bloomsbury, Vanessa Bell: Sketches in Pen and Ink, and the Letters of Virginia Woolf Vols I and II.  My current research involves seeking out letters, diaries, memoirs, and reminiscences that provide details about Bell's experiences, impressions, and insights while traveling and painting in Italy.  Indeed, in order to avoid "a single unaccompanied note, and to get the full sound" will require reading materials far beyond my own Bloomsbury library. A trip to the the Sussex University Library, and the Modern Archives at King's College Cambridge to access Bell's original letters, seems in order, doesn't it?

Time Alone..........

    “The truth is I like it when people actually come but I love it when they go.”
                                                                                           Virginia Woolf

   

   Like Virginia, I like it when people.....friends, family, grandchildren..... come by, visit, stay awhile.  But I also love it when they go.  Quiet mornings inspire, tending the garden energizes, and having time alone to write is absolute joy.



 

                                                                                                   

Hope Springs Eternal..........

   

  “It is worth mentioning, for future reference, that the creative power which bubbles so pleasantly in beginning a new book quiets down after a time, and one goes on more steadily.  Doubts creep in.  Then one becomes resigned.  Determination not to give in, and the sense of an impending shape keep one at it more than anything.”

                                                                                                                        Virginia Woolf

      The creative power to create this blog (as with many endeavors), did indeed bubble up so pleasantly in the beginning.  Sustaining the creative power, energy, and enthusiasm has been quite another matter.  Doubts do creep in and resignation.  However, I am determined to not give in, and instead put hands to keyboard, shape my words, and move forward.  This determination will hopefully bear fruit.  

I was reminded this morning of just such determination in my attempts each summer to grow purple Japanese eggplant.  For the past four years in early summer, I've added amendment and worked a particular spot of ground near the raised vegetable beds, carried one or two 4" eggplants home from the nursery, and optimistically tucked them into the soil. Then diligently watered and waited.  Whether due to the local family of squirrels, smart, beady-eyed scrub jays, or the incompetence of the gardener, they've never grown, flourished, and made it to the kitchen table. This year may be different.  Hope for this eggplant and this blog, springs eternal............